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I almost lost myself and forgotten the purpose why I started blogging

 

When I first started blogging, it was just like any other teenagers that blogged about their daily life, I never thought it could actually be a job, never thought that it could be possible to be a source of income, that would allow me to earn from my own website, my own Instagram and Facebook account. I started blogging probably when I was 13 or 14, and joined Myfatpocket.com when I was around 16, and have been with them for 4 to 5 years.

I remembered other than blogging about daily life like every other kids were doing, I actually had a purpose back then and ludicrously I have totally forgotten why I started blogging and wanted to be an influence until 3 days back when I was talking to one of my classmates, J. I started telling J that I went for Hair For Hope when I was in my SIM days, and it struck me real hard that I actually had a purpose.

My purpose of being a blogger was because I wanted everyone to know, no matter how lonely they feel at 3am they could always turn to me and I will be a better advisor compared to Teenage’s Dear Kelly. I hope my presence could be something to the society, and I wanted sucidal rates to go down.

I grew a lot with Myfatpocket.com. Had fun, joy, laughter, made new friends and it was an experience that was really privileged and not open to many. I would say my blogging career started out with Myfatpocket.com, and it was a platform that makes me constantly that wants to be better for my readers.

However, soon it became a competition. There are so many people that will win you with views, stats, followers and if you don’t get that kind of stats, you don’t get advertorials and sponsors. It became really tiring for me, because there will be days I will be sitting down in front of my laptop, refreshing Google Analytics/ Nuffnang’s Analytics to keep track of my views. I will glue myself to my phone, looking at my Instagram/ Facebook likes and wondering why is this post having lesser likes than the previous post. The thing is, it’s not only me, my friends and other bloggers around me were doing the same thing. I started to see people around doing ugly things, like mass following others and then unfollowing them again just to get followers, some people even spam likes my pictures, comment on my comment box, but are not following me just to gain my attention. I see people started buying likes, buying followers and I couldn’t blame them for their doings, because this is a competition afterall. They can do this over and over again and won’t give up until today. They keep their social media really updated, unlike me because I gave up wanting that kind of attention.  (This is the reason why I as a marketer and as a blogger, always tell my friends if they were to look for bloggers for ads, tell me and I will let you know if that person is worth sponsoring.)

So, why do people like us enjoys seeing so many likes/followers when in the end of the day, it is actually nothing. It’s because it gives us attention, it makes us feel a little secure compared to offline.

So why I stopped caring about my views and likes? That was when I got together with my boyfriend, and I would rather spend those times talking or playing (like quarrelings & fightings lol!) than to camp at my seat looking at my stats. I remembered when we first got together, he often scolds me for constantly using my phone even during meals. After a period of time, I just found myself stopped using them as often as before.

I almost lost myself during this period, and I am really glad I found myself once again.

 

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